There’s a lot going on, isn’t there? Somehow we’ve already reached the end of Q1 2016, and there’s no sign of things slowing down.
I don’t even know you … but I’m betting you’ve got a schedule that’s a little too full, a to-do list that stretches out towards eternity, and a residual tiredness that makes the thought of a three-day sleep seem pretty tempting.
The project management world has a name for this: scope creep. What started out as neatly defined and contained — your life — got added to a little here, enlarged a little there, and then expanded some more and then more again.
So here we are, trying to do so much and instead getting stuck in the swamp of overwhelm. Tony Robbins puts it succinctly: “Complexity is the enemy of execution.” Before you get distracted again then suddenly find yourself in late September wondering what just happened, why not use now to think about how the next nine months could have more focus and impact.
Here’s Tony Robbins again: “The quality of your life is the quality of our questions.” Let me offer up three provocative questions that you might like to ask yourself.
When I talk about the need to do Great Work, I often come back to three core characteristics that you need: focus, courage and resilience. Although perhaps I should rearrange the order of those, because as Maya Angelou says, “Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.”
If you’re looking to get your 2016 back on track — and you are — you’ll need to be brave. So let’s hold up the mirror and ask ourselves just how different are you willing to be?
On a scale of one to seven, how bold (or courageous; or intrepid … pick your word) are you prepared to be?
Here’s how I’m thinking about my scale, but you can adjust it to work for you. I ask only this: whatever number you give yourself, decide exactly what that looks like for you. Define the behaviour that matches the number…
1: I’m not prepared to change a thing.
3: Minor tweaking at best.
5: Maybe 25% difference. I’m hoping not to offend anyone.
7: I’m putting at least 50% up for grabs, with all that that entails.
I regularly listen to the terrific On Being podcast, and in on one episode the guest was Nadia Bolz-Weber, pastor and founder of the Denver-based church the House for All Sinners and Saints and author of Pastrix: The Cranky, Beautiful Faith of a Sinner and Saint. As an almost throw-away line, Bolz-Weber mentioned that she always tried to preach from her scars and not her wounds.
It’s been said that wisdom enters through the wound. What Bolz-Weber has reminded me is that it’s only through the metamorphosis from wound to scar that it becomes truly useable, reliable wisdom, and in that wisdom lies both focus and reliance you can draw upon for Great Work.
So this question asks you what has your journey taught you so far? Are you operating from “scar wisdom” or something perhaps less reliable? What do you now know to be true, about yourself and about the world? Byron Katie says, “When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100% of the time.” So as you look to 2016, look hard at reality now and see what’s there.
Of course it’s unreasonable to make you focus on just one thing, because who has only one thing? No one.
But if you could have only one thing to boast about at the end of this year, if you had the luxury and discipline to focus on a single project to invest your heart and mind and the goodwill of those who love and support you, not to mention time and money … what would it be?
Here’s a metaphor that might ring true, even for those of us who don’t live in the suburbs. Sometimes looking back on a year gone past is like looking at a lawn you’ve just mowed. It’s neat, tidy and you’ve done a great job. But there’s nothing that really stands out, that really grabs you. It’s Good Work. But if you’ve decided to bring your focus, energy, and resources to one core thing, a Great Work project, it’s like you’re working on … let’s say a topiary dragon. At the end of the year, there’s something you can point at and say, “That. That’s what I’ve been working on.”
It’s likely you can’t answer this question quickly. Because as you weigh up your choices, you’re forced to answer some other questions, questions that you can neatly sidestep when you pretend to yourself that you can just do it all…
What’s the impact I want to have in this world that really matters to me?
How do I want to be seen? By others? By myself?
What (and trickier, who) am I willing to say No to, so I can say a real Yes to this? (See Question One.)
What would I be willing to suffer for?
It’s hard to make choices
Peter Block, author of The Answer to How is Yes and numerous other wise books, says that one of the acts of “taking responsibility for your own freedom” — to be an adult in your own life — is to make choices. And choices are difficult, because they can leave us with anxiety (“Have I chosen the right path?”) and guilt (“What about the choice I didn’t take?”) It can feel easier to opt out and just hope for the best.
Winston Churchill said, “We shape our buildings; and afterwards our buildings shape us.” That’s true about our spaces. It’s equally true about our choices. And at the heart of good choices and great questions.
MICHAEL BUNGAY STANIER
Michael Bungay Stanier is the Senior Partner of Box of Crayons (BoxOfCrayons.biz), a company that gives busy managers the tools to coach in 10 minutes or less. His latest book The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (TheCoachingHabit.com) is already been called a modern classic. It shares 7 other great questions that can help you work less hard and have more impact.
