"Having a sense of healthy perfectionism requires balance."
- The Perfectionist’s Handbook, page 60
"Ask yourself how your perfectionism affects your behaviour, feelings, thoughts, and relationships with others – and try to determine where you fall on the healthy and unhealthy continuum for each."- The Perfectionist’s Handbook, page 15
Understanding how your perfectionism is benefiting or hindering you is an important place to start. For many perfectionists, the reason why they’ve achieved success in life is precisely because of their focus on delivering high-quality work and meticulous attention to detail. There are many healthy aspects of perfectionism that may be overlooked. But what is the cost of being so focused on perfection? Is there a point that the benefits outweigh the costs?
There is a difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism. According to Szymanski, healthy perfectionism “encourages you to achieve high but reasonable standards that lead to feelings of satisfaction and self esteem”. Whereas unhealthy perfectionism is often related to the fear of failure, disappointing others, loss of control, etc.
Let’s look at some ways where you can make some tangible progress in achieving a healthy balance.
"Courageous and effective choices almost always involve sacrifice of important goals and possible accomplishments."- The Perfectionist’s Handbook, page 110
One of the most difficult realizations that perfectionists face is that they can’t be great at everything. The high standards they set in all aspects of their lives make it difficult for perfectionists to “just be average”. After all, doesn’t it feel awesome when you’re actually good at something? This is just human nature and perfectionists crave it possibly more than others. But the harsh truth is that you can’t be good at everything. And accepting that being average in one area and focusing your energy on being great at something you truly love can be motivating! Here are a few ways to get you started in making the sacrifice and focus on what matters to you.
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself in these areas currently? On that same scale, rate where you would like to be. Identify areas of imbalances in the ratings and focus on spending more time in prioritizing your important areas.
Take a look at these tasks and look at your A and B tasks. Make an effort over the next month to really focus on them. Live a life of courage by sacrificing the less important for the most important. It’s not easy but it’s a good place to start!
"Attempting to do everything well – and with the same level of detail, effort, and energy – renders you exhausted all of the time."- The Perfectionist’s Handbook, page 175
Healthy perfectionism requires balance. Szymanski describes it as having the desire to excel and be ambitious but also “matching your intention with a strategy that works and produces the results you want.” Your strategy needs to help you get to your desired outcome efficiently. Think about aspects of your life where something that is given a low level of priority (watching YouTube videos or organizing the house) is given the same amount of time as high-level priorities (spending time with your family, getting fresh air/exercise, or eating healthy). We’ve heard the importance of prioritizing before but for perfectionists it’s important to distinguish between the trivial and meaningful.
Szymanksi uses the terms “Persistence vs. Perseveration” to distinguish between the effort one puts toward completing tasks. Persistence is when you try something and when you realize that it’s not working, you try to find another way to complete the task. While perseveration is insisting on completing each step perfectly and trying to make it work. Perfectionists that get caught in perseveration can often get paralyzed from taking action because they can’t get it right the first time around. Before you get started on a task, ask yourself “what are the most important outcomes I would like as a result of completing this project?” Think about whether the cost of the strategy you’re using exceeds the benefit of the completing the task. If the cost is higher, perhaps you need to modify your strategy.
Another way to analyze your effort and use the most effective strategy is to use the Pareto Principle. This is the 80/20 Rule that you may have heard of. This is about focusing on 20% of the most important tasks that is associated with 80% of your results. Think about where you get the biggest bang for your buck. Perhaps it means that in a presentation, you focus 80% of your energy on the section that your bosses are looking very closely at.
In summary, focus on strategies that have a higher benefit than cost, be flexible enough to avoid perseveration, and use the Pareto Principle (80/20 Rule) to focus on the areas where you’ll make the greatest impact.
Jeff Szymanski, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, worked at McLean Hospital’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Institute (OCDI), a residential facility for individuals with severe and refractory OCD. During Dr. Szymanski’s tenure at the OCDI, he ran the Perfectionism group in which many of the ideas for his upcoming: “The Perfectionist’s Handbook”, were developed.Dr. Szymanski has a long track record of teaching and training. As a Clinical Instructor in Psychology at Harvard Medical School, he has supervised pre-doctoral psychology interns, psychiatry residents, and has run Cognitive Behavior Therapy seminars. With over 40 professional presentations, Dr. Szymanski also provides intensive trainings, most recently in Shanghai, China.In 2008, Dr. Szymanski began working at the International OCD Foundation as the Executive Director. The Foundation is a non-profit organization whose mission is to educate the public and professionals about OCD in order to raise awareness and improve the quality of treatment provided; support research into the causes of, and effective treatments for, OCD and related disorders; improve access to resources for those with OCD and their families; and advocate for the OCD community.In the past few years, Dr. Szymanski has been more involved helping to increase awareness of anxiety disorders (and OCD in particular) through the media. He is currently a blogger for WebMD.com, has served as a consultant to ABCNews.com and has been interviewed for multiple articles in newspapers, magazines, and radio across the country.
