"Nonverbal behaviors comprise approximately 60 to 65 percent of all interpersonal communication."
- What Every BODY is Saying, page 4
"Because people are not always aware they are communicating nonverbally, body language is often more honest than an individual’s verbal pronouncements."- What Every BODY is Saying, page 4
Mr. Navarro’s belief is that it’s our body’s job is to keep us alive. The “limbic brain,” as he refers to it, is the part of the brain that instigates our “fight, flight or freeze” responses designed to protect our lives. These three innate responses provide the most reliable “tells”, or tip-offs to our true feelings. For instance, which way a person’s feet are pointing is one of the most reliable indicators of whether they want to opt out of a conversation. Or, putting hands on hips, or “akimbo” is a way of staking out territory and/or preparing for an argument. Sometimes closing the eyes or placing your hand over your eyes is a subliminal way to hide from information or an unpleasant encounter.
Our bodies communicate and everyone is different. Just like some people say, “Um” all the time, others tap their toes. These are called “baseline” behaviors. They may not mean much because they represent the way that person normally is. But, deviations from baseline behaviors are clear indicators that you should pay attention to what the person is feeling.
"Pacifying behaviors almost always are used to calm a person after a stressful event occurs."- What Every BODY is Saying, page 50
Navarro claims that face or neck touching is a pacifying, or comforting behavior. Men prefer to touch their face and women their necks. The more stressful an event is, the more face or neck touching will take place.
Looking for signs of comfort and discomfort is one of the ways that body language helps us discern truthfulness. When signs of comfort disappear or signs of discomfort appear, we have a clue that something important is happening.
I really wanted to use my newfound knowledge to scrutinize other people’s insecurities. But, sadly, I noticed my own behavior more than anyone else’s. I was listening to someone who should have been uncomfortable telling me a somewhat humiliating story. So I watched. Was he touching his face? No. I was so disappointed. Then, I realized I was stroking my chin, rubbing my temple, resting my head on my hand as I listened. I was the one who was uncomfortable. His story had made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t notice it until I notice what my body was doing. Yikes!
"When it comes to honesty, truthfulness decreases as we move from the feet to the head."- What Every BODY is Saying, page 56
Navarro insists that the feet are the most honest thing about body language. Happy feet are just that, a sign of good news. When people move their feet to greet you they exhibit warmth. If they just turn, they are saying “hello”, but in reality are communicating “go away”. Crossing of the legs is commonly a sign of being comfortable. Stroking the legs is a comforting behavior.
As you move up the body, the way a person tilts their body toward someone they like or away from someone who makes them uncomfortable are clear indications of the way they truly feel. Crossed arms block us from unpleasant exposure. Expressive arms communicate certainty and confidence.
The more confident or even high-status someone is, the more space they demand. To expand your body is to communicate confidence.
Gravity defying behavior, whether a toe in the air, or hands gesturing with animated speech are signs of good news. These are easy to detect as well.
I loved this book. It was the perfect mix of kinesiology, psychology and human interest to make it a great read.
For 25 years, Joe Navarro worked as an FBI special agent in the area of counterintelligence and behavioral assessment. Today he is one of the world’s leading experts on nonverbal communications and lectures and consults with major corporations worldwide. He is an adjunct professor at Saint Leo University and frequently lectures at the Harvard Business School.
