"…most people, however, are rescued from stressful indecision by their brain’s backup generator: gut instinct."- 10-10-10, page 36
Guilt and Gut – two huge factors that permeate far more decision making processes than they rightfully deserve.
Instinct’s a funny thing; it has allowed us, as a species, to grow and prosper. It’s ingrained in our genetic makeup, it’s unexplainable and it’s often illogical. Many top CEOs credit portions of their success to their intuition. Which is to say that intuition, in the true sense of the word, has its place. The true challenge lies in the often blurred line between “intuition” and “emotional reaction”. The primary differentiator, is time.
The 10-10-10 model is designed to give our decision making processes time and room to breathe. While the model still gives us the freedom to factor in instinct, it does an amazing job of removing the “knee jerk reaction” that can be triggered by gut and guilt. By considering the immediate, mid range and long term impact of a decision, we provide ourselves with a framework from which to make educated decisions that resonate in harmony with our core values. The same framework gives us an easily understandable way in which to explain our decisions as well.
"Every 10-10-10 process starts with a question. That is, every 10-10-10 begins with posing your dilemma, crisis, or problem in the form of a query."- 10-10-10, page 10
There’s a power in a question. What is it you’re really trying to decide? Specifically? We have a tendency to overcomplicate; to overwhelm. We as a human race have the remarkable ability to make decisions larger than they actually are. Fear. Doubt. Guilt. These and other lurking influences can creep in from the shadows when we’re faced with a big decision. One of the fastest ways to banish the distracting emotions is to source out the fundamental question at the base of the dilemma. What is it you’re really trying to decide? Say it out loud. Write it down, if that helps. The point is to crystallize clearly exactly what you’re trying to decide. One question at a time.
"...it is with values as an integral part of the process that 10-10-10 truly becomes transformative, allowing us to live in sync with our authentic dreams, hopes, and beliefs."- 10-10-10, page 53
You need to know your values. You need to know what you want your mark on the world to be. How do you want to be remembered? What do you want your life to stand for? Values can be challenging and often daunting things to define. Many people have used the famous “Proust Questionnaire” to determine their values. On pages 60 thru 62 of 10-10-10, Suzy offers her own values questionnaire, focusing on three questions:
What will make you cry when you’re 70?
How do you want people to talk about you when you’re not in the room?
What did you love about the way your parent raised you? What did you hate?
The truth of the matter is that trying to make a decision without values is like trying to travel a great distance without a compass; you might travel the same number of miles, but where you end up will be left completely to chance.
The principles of 10-10-10 are broad sweeping, in the sense that they can apply to most aspects of life. Specifically in regards to work and career, Suzy offers, “Are we motivated by money, prestige, challenge, flexibility or camaraderie? It’s temping, of course, to answer yes to all of the above, but it is a rare job that meets every criterion equally. To really know your values, you need to confront how they truly stack up.”
Do you know what really drives you? There is an incredible value in knowing the hierarchy of your priorities. In each aspect of your life, what is it that motivates you most? What do you aspire to be, do or have? Being able to picture your ideal life gives tremendous clarity in the 10-10-10 decision making process.
Les and Leslie. A husband-and-wife team who not only share the same name, but the same passion for helping others build healthy relationships. In 1991, the Parrotts founded the Center for Relationship Development on the campus of Seattle Pacific University – a groundbreaking program dedicated to teaching the basics of good relationships.
